Today marks the official publication of my blog. It’s before I’m ready, but that’s okay. It also marks another special day in my life, my beloved, late grandmother’s (and sister’s) birthday. So instead of a post, I wrote my grandmother a letter.
Dear Nanny,
Happy birthday!
Some people say birthdays are the hardest days after losing someone. But honestly? Every day without you has been hard. This one just happens to come with a notable date on the calendar.
I just realized, right now, that it’s been a decade without you. It seems like both yesterday and a million years since I last saw you, hugged you, laughed with you, or took a Wicked Wednesday shot of Kahlua with you.
So much has changed. Some good. Some not so good. Some really hard. But mostly? It’s just… different. Your great-grandkids are hilarious and wild. The country is in chaos. My life is unrecognizable from a decade ago, and I’m already getting ready for my next adventure.
I miss you more than words can say. I’m still waiting for that ‘time heals all wounds’ thing to kick in. I still reach for the phone to call you sometimes when I have a question or want to share something I think you’d find funny. The sudden remembering doesn’t get easier either.
I still spontaneously cry sometimes.
I know today is your birthday, and it’s probably beyond cheeky of me to ask for a gift, but I’ve been looking out for a sign for a while now, and I just haven’t seen anything solid. I think you know the one I’ve asked for, but if you can just make one really obvious sign happen today of all days, I would cherish it.
I started this blog because of you. One of the greatest lessons you ever taught me: celebrate life. All of it. The highs, the lows, the ordinary magic in between. Wear the dress. Use the good china. Eat the damn cake. Call the friend.
So today, as I celebrate your life, I’ll do my best to celebrate mine, too.
And since your birthday falls on a Wednesday this year, I think it’s only fitting you take a shot of Kahlua wherever you are. And Mommy and I will definitely take one tonight in celebration of all the years we got with you and in recognition of all of those we’ll miss.
Love you always and miss you tremendously,
B
